I want more in my life.

I want for someone to be able to show me how much they love me. I want a man in my life that will tell me how much hey love me.

I don't think Ray is capable of loving me the way I need to be loved. I don't think he has the capacity to understand. I think I ask alot more of him than he is able to give.

I think I need. It is hard not to always need. It is hard to push it back and be happy the way things are. I haven't worn my wedding rings in so long. I am actually glad. I am actually proud I have held myself back. Those are things that are so important to me. But, not until I can feel the way I think I need to will I put them back on.

I would feel such a rush of relief if he left. I would feel so glad that my life with him was through. I just don't want the girls to live without both parents. If I am through with him I don't want anything to do with him. I don't want to be his friend. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted things to be different. I need to come to realize that they won't be different. This is what I have. I shouldn't have been stupid and rushed into our marriage. I really shouldn't have.

I'm okay with being alone at this point. It is how I want to be. Alone. Just me. And the girls.

If Ray needs to be Ray, then I need to be alone. I really, really want things to change. I really, really, don't want to have anything else to do with him. I am so sorry I ever got involved with him. I am so sorry I was a fool. I am so sorry.

I don't want to stay with him and have him tell me again that he hasn't been happy. I don't want to listen to him tell me that he hasn't loved me. I don't want to love someone that doesn't love me.

He can hurt me more than anyone. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

I love him, but I have to protect me. I have to. I have to protect me. He won't do it. He just wants to be there to rescue. Not to love.